**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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