I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize