proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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