The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
