Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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