I wish I could punch you in the face.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im six kinds of drunk right now
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
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