If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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