i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
