Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
