Where did you get a picture of my penis
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
