I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
