It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
this will be a night to untag.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize