so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
