Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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