my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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