You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Drunk is not a location!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize