I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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