next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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