Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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