i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
