apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
