I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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