Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
