If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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