no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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