Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
