i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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