let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
