Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
