Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
