So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
