i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my shit smells like andre
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
