If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
