the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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