Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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