I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
