he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
