you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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