and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
