her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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