Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
