Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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