i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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