But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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