I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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