You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize