That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
