I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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