Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
