I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
