what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
