he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
