Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
