Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
