Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize