I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
