wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
