Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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