Define "chronic" masturbator.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
