I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
