you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ketchup is God's man juice
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
