Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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