dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
we're so committed to being not committed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
