Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
