apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
