im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
