is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
